I’m here again

I woke up early today, at 4 am, two hours before my planned alarm. And this is good, it means that I’m rested enough today. I love waking up this early, watching the day wake up, standing at my kitchen table and staring through the window. Yes, this is the kind of morning I like. So, I woke up, went to my kitchen and almost automatically grabbed my iPad to start listening to something. It was supposed to be a podcast. I usually start my day with this kind of distraction. It’s so easy to do this, just have to hit play and the day is actually predefined. Gratefully, I stopped today, didn’t hit that iPad button. Instead, I started this, started writing. After a few minutes, added some calm music from my “focus” Spotify’s playlist and just… stayed here. With my morning coffee (another distraction or maybe noise-making thing, that I will eventually have to deal with eventually) words started to come out of my mind. Missed this… state? time? calm? activity? I’m not sure how to name it, but I definitely missed it.

Recently, I started changing things in my life. Again. Change is my constant – I’d like to say. But this time is different from the usual small things I’m fixing every month, week, or day. This time it’s one of the bigger ones, and it happens mainly in my head, it’s not as external as many of the changes. On one hand, I’m closing off to people, humans – trying to eliminate the most noise-making thing in my life, but on the other hand, I’m also opening a bit, writing this post for example. Or maybe I’m just building a shield? Well, it’s not as important because I know it will lead me to calmness. Part isolation is the key. It’s so necessary for me, probably not only for me, but in this case, I have to think only about me. Have to fix myself. Again.

I’m so glad I’m here. Writing this. Publishing. Enjoying this stupid-easy thing. I simplified so many things recently, and it feels good, very good. I know I have to be careful, it’s so easy to break many great things that are present in my life while introducing changes, but I need this. I grow through this kind of resets. I know it can be so bad for growth, but I also know that during this kind of transformations I started the most amazing things in my life. And every new, even little, change I’m making, is waking up my hope that my life will be even greater, happier, calmer, than the one from yesterday.

Yes. Welcome to my blog. I missed it so much. Just this simple writing process.